Did I Just Buy A Dog?

This is Olive Martini (Olive for short) she's currently a ten week old Jack Russell puppy of greatness. She's pretty much the titz. I've wanted a dog my whole life. My first experience was when at 13, I bought my own shihtzu named Thai Chi. Now normally when a 13 year old gets a dog, it doesn't really belong to the 13 year old, it belongs to the parents or at least every sane person knows this. Except my mom. Thank god I didn't get pregnant 'cause damn.

Thai Chi ended up being a great dog...after, of course our house smelled of dog mess and I had to give her up to my Uncle and Aunt to erase all my neglect I imposed on her...I was 13 and lazy...who would let an indoor kid get a dog??? I mean come on!

So that experience whereas it ended up amazing it still didn't fulfill my desire for the perfect dog.

I'm older now. I'm 26 years old and ready to give it another go, a proper go, a go outside only kinda go. So let's go!
I've decided to blog my trials, tribulations and hopefully god willing triumphs this time round. I've taken a huge interest in the Cesar Millan's teachings of "How To Raise The Perfect Dog-Through Puppyhood and Beyond" so far it's good...and so far I've done everything wrong.

He explains how to choose the dog, how to take the dog home, how to introduce the dog to everything and so far I've done it all completely wrong, but at the moment it seems to be ok.

My only problem with the book is I kinda wish it was called "How To Raise The Perfect Dog Whisperer And Not Completely Fucking Ruin Your Dog" or maybe at least throw in an instructional dvd for the indoor kid.

The problem is that he's the fucking dog whisperer, so all the little puppy things that happen, won't be missed by him and most likely will be corrected before the puppy isn't even completely out of the wrapper...dogs come in wrappers right?

He does touch on everything and anything you need to know is in this book, but you really have to watch his shows in order to understand the stuff that is being explained. I didn't get the whole submission part. When you watch the show, you see Cesar take a physco and in 5 second Tssts it into submission. I did this with Olive and because I'm not the dog whisperer, my Tssting seemed to just egg her on into a full blown biting frenzy, the four dogs Cesar studied? No frenzy, just awesome little burgers or at least that's the impression I read...from a place of frustration.

"Stay calm and assertive." How Cesar HOW!!! My reading comprehension sucks!!!

My first attempt at calm and assertive I think just came of as aloof and lazy, cause it did not work. Over this last two weeks I think I'm finally on my way, but I think it really helps that I have ten years of Drama Training.

I was in a "Dog-ramic" situation (pardon the pun, trust me I hate myself for it)

I've chosen to channel Clint Eastwood. I am Dirty Hairy...ok I actually never watched that movie...Ok I kinda did, but I forget most of it, but I have that picture in my head of his squinty stare, cowboy hat and give-a-fuck chin stubble. Clint Eastwood could submit this angel pie darling, fart face, I'm sure. Look 'atter...she's just a 'widdle baybeeeeeee!

My biggest fear is that I'm gonna ruin this dog. People always say having a dog is like having a baby. NO WAY!!! Having a dog is like having a hyped on sugar 4 year old with ADD and no sense of danger or proper waste managment solutions.

Think this + this:

That is your puppy...mixed in with that little kid from Pet Sematary.

So I'll try my best to blog everyday and keep you updated on what I'm doing and hopefully a year from now, Olive will be on her way to being a wicked smart dog.

So we can avoid this:

and this....